Uncategorized

Male stvari…

Deda Milan, pokojni, Bog da mu dušu ‘prosti, veći deo svog života, bar ono što ja pamtim proveo je na selu… Imao je stan u gradu, ali tu je koristio samo pogodnosti centralnog grejanja zimi. Čim grane sunce, on ode na selo. I ne vraća se – dok ne mora. Dođe jednom mesečno, podigne penziju, obavi šta ima… Podeli nama unucima po nešto para… I donese ono što se u tom momentu može sa sela doneti. Pred Uskrs, obavezno domaća jaja…

Od toga izvesna količina “odokativno” odabranih primeraka se ne dira. Dakle, ne ulazi u redovnu potrošnju. A, bilo nas je u kući. I mogli smo da pojedemo. Što jes’ – jes’. Al’ količinu koju je majka odvojila smo zaobilazili. Zna se. To se kuva na Veliki petak. Nismo nikad bili Bog zna kakvi vernici, ali su se ovakvi praznici uvek obeležavali. I sećam se, kako mi je kao malom uvek bio neki poseban ritual to farbanje jaja. Meni obavezno zabranjen pristup kuhinji… A nije ni čudo, bio sam kao osica – i naravno svugde zabadao nos. Što bliže – to bolje. Jasno je da je zabrana bila samo formalna – nije davala nikakve praktične rezultate.

Ranijih godina, jaja šarena. Kako je vreme prolazilo, izbor boja se sveo na crvenu. Majka je u hrišćanskom učenju da jaja trbea da se farbaju u crveno, našla idealan izgovor da ne prlja previše šerpi. Teško meni, kad ovo pročita. Kako bilo, ritual je ritual. Praznik je praznik. Uvek lep ručak i kolači. U svakom slučaju, svečaniji nego obično. Čist beli stonjak i sve po redu. Lepo.

Takve stavri ostanu duboko urezane. Postoje one male stvari koje jednu kuću čine domom. Baš zato po nekad uradiš nešto što i nije tako neophodno. Ove godine stvari nisu onakve kavim želim da ih zamislim. Neko fali. Neko nije tu. Neko je dalje nego što bih ja to želeo. I u vremenu i u prostoru. Ipak, ritual je ritual. “Ofarbaj. To je lepo.” I ma da fali mnogo toga što bih voleo da vidim u nedelju kada se probudim, ma da je mnogo toga daleko, dalje nego što bih voleo, šarena jaja su ipak tu. Mali kompromis sa samim sobom. Sačekaću da sve dođe na svoje mesto, da se kockice sastave onako kako bih ja to voleo. U među vremenu, čuvaću te male rituale najbolje što umem.

Ne zato što sam vernik, nego zato što volim šmek tog jutra. I tog dana, kad se radujemo svakoj maloj pobedi, svakom razbijenom šarenom jajetu. Šarena jaja su u ovoj godini već odnela jednu malu pobedu, popustio sam. Imam i kolač za nedelju. Neko je mislio na mene. Sasvim dovoljno za početak.

Vreme i strpljenje doneće još lepih stvari. Nadam se.

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Uncategorized

In vino veritas…

U magli reči, sa ukusom istine,

koja se lepi za nepce, kao vino,

i noći hladnoj,

kao ruke koje se tresu, bez dodira,

U očima

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O papiru

Prija papir.

Prija tišina i mrak

i reči koje nikad nije izgovorila.

Prija i miris želje koja titra u vazduhu.

„Uradi šta god želiš“, rekla je.

Odabrao sam da ćutim,

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